Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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