Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize