as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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