Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
