I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You are the jesus of drinking
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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