Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
