He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
