I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
