we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
