Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
