Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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