I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
