Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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