Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
