THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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