grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
