Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
