Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
