Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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