i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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