Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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