you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
