i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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