those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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