call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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