i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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