somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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