You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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