Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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