so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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