i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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