Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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