think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
