just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
