Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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