I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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