What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
