I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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