I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
