I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
