My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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