So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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