just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
