just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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