does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
