____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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