Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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