He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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