my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
