i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
