i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
