This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
